tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post807273912406574116..comments2023-09-27T03:56:54.678-05:00Comments on As We Were Saying....: JASON BLACK CRITIQUES THE FIRST FIVE PAGESRuby Johnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01030839859107760855noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-82732173255622291512012-06-23T14:52:40.299-05:002012-06-23T14:52:40.299-05:00Sorry to be late to the game, but thank you, Susie...Sorry to be late to the game, but thank you, Susie, for being the victim, er, subject. :-) And, Jason, thank you for sharing your expertise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-11117609413358826852012-06-23T14:52:36.860-05:002012-06-23T14:52:36.860-05:00Sorry to be late to the game, but thank you, Susie...Sorry to be late to the game, but thank you, Susie, for being the victim, er, subject. :-) And, Jason, thank you for sharing your expertise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-4218488809374530372012-06-21T11:34:24.377-05:002012-06-21T11:34:24.377-05:00Ruby--
No worries. :) I noticed a typo in my crit...Ruby--<br /><br />No worries. :) I noticed a typo in my critique, too. Happens to the best of us. Thanks again for having me, and I'll be happy to come back any time.Jason Blackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181267035103592296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-41182253061955409292012-06-20T19:22:42.667-05:002012-06-20T19:22:42.667-05:00Jason:
So sorry for letting a typo through. Just p...Jason:<br />So sorry for letting a typo through. Just points out how important it is to proof read before hitting the send button.Ruby Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01030839859107760855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-30588070969943861372012-06-20T19:00:45.389-05:002012-06-20T19:00:45.389-05:00Jaon:
Thanks so much for your wonderful answers to...Jaon:<br />Thanks so much for your wonderful answers today. They were thoughtful and full of teachable moments.<br />I am sure Susie appreciated your help.<br />Looking forward to your next visit.Ruby Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01030839859107760855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-34278907292660636202012-06-20T18:50:23.621-05:002012-06-20T18:50:23.621-05:00Just a question to Jeff, one of your writers. What...Just a question to Jeff, one of your writers. What makes you think someone who does this for a living has to resort to a writing book to edit a manuscript. You can get an idea of voice and style in five pages or you shouldn't be in this kind of work. Just my two cents. Perhaps adding your thoughts here about your friends work might be of interest to others who want to learn.Calnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-89339352126691689472012-06-20T13:21:49.076-05:002012-06-20T13:21:49.076-05:00Susie, congrats on having the bravery to endure th...Susie, congrats on having the bravery to endure the sometimes overly harsh criticisms levelled here. I agree with much of what Jason said, but some of it sounds like it came from a writing book. Since I know your voice and style, next group meeting I will fill you in on some of my thoughts.<br />Overall, good work. Taking heat is hard as a writer, but "you gotta bleed to know you're alive." Sometimes.Jeff Bacotnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-18010021750702759942012-06-20T13:19:12.749-05:002012-06-20T13:19:12.749-05:00J. A. Bennett--
Giving readers the dots, then let...J. A. Bennett--<br /><br />Giving readers the dots, then letting them do the connecting, that's basically all "show, don't tell" means. <br /><br />But learn it, because it is THE number one bedrock skill of successful narrative. And I'll give you a tip on that.<br /><br />Most writers struggle with "show, don't tell" because they don't grasp the difference between the dots and the connections, and/or they get tricked by the fact that what's truly important in the story are the connections, rather than the dots. So they end up giving the connections without the dots, or giving both.<br /><br />Stick with the dots. Let the readers do the connecting.<br /><br />So what's the difference between the two? It's pretty simple once it's boiled down: the dots are the <i>external, visible</i> manifestations of the connections between them.<br /><br />The connections themselves tend to be <i>internal, invisible</i> factors about characters: their states of mind, their feelings, their goals and motivations, their beliefs, their relationships to other people, and so forth.<br /><br />Look at that list of internal, invisible things. Every single one of them, in the right circumstances, <i>manifests</i> in some externally visible way. If one character hates another's guts, that will show in the the way he talks to the other guy, the way he acts towards him, et cetera.<br /><br />The talking, the actions, those are the dots. The internal attitude of hating somebody, that's the connection you want to let the reader discover for themselves.<br /><br />Give us the visible stuff: the snotty, disrespectful dialogue, the crossed arms, whatever. Leave the invisible stuff for us to find.Jason Blackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181267035103592296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-75963052332788623372012-06-20T13:12:15.756-05:002012-06-20T13:12:15.756-05:00Laine--
The short answer to your question is, &qu...Laine--<br /><br />The short answer to your question is, "include more of your character's reactions to events/situations."<br /><br />The thing a writer needs to recognize is that emotion isn't just there for its own sake. Emotions exist in relation to what's going on in our lives. If I'm feeling calm and happy right now, it's because I'm doing something I enjoy--talking about writing! If I were, let's say, driving my kid to the E.R., I would be experiencing a whole different set of emotions.<br /><br />So the longer answer to your question involves a process of <i>empathy</i> between you and your characters. If people are telling you the characters lack emotion, it probably means you are having trouble empathizing with how your characters feel at any given time. That's the skill you really need to work on, because if you don't know how they'd feel, how can you possibly put those feelings in the story?<br /><br />So how do you learn to empathize with your characters? Ultimately, you need to develop the ability to imagine the realistic feelings of people who may be quite different from yourself--after all, most of your characters probably aren't exactly like you. That's not necessarily easy, but a good place to start is by asking yourself how <i>you</i> would feel in whatever situation you've dumped a character into.<br /><br />This works because the broad patterns of human emotion are pretty stable, across a wide variety of people. Almost nobody isn't happy when they receive a hug from a loved one. As you develop the "how would I feel?" skill, you can start to branch out to imagine different feelings for characters who don't share your background.<br /><br />Once you know how the character would feel, you render that in the story by means of the <i>external manifestations</i> of those feelings.<br /><br />I cannot stress that part strongly enough. <i>External</i> manifestations. This is "show, don't tell" territory. Don't just tell us your character is angry, show us the visible behaviors the character demonstrates in response to that anger. Then, just like I suggested to Susie, get out of the way so we can connect the dots.Jason Blackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181267035103592296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-64079721542538816602012-06-20T12:10:49.381-05:002012-06-20T12:10:49.381-05:00Jason, thank you for taking so much time with your...Jason, thank you for taking so much time with your comments. There we so many nuggets of useful info I think I need to reread it several times. The part about finding a balance in how you lay out the story so the reader's brain is ingaged and can connect the dots is something I agonize over all the time. Am I giving too much? Am I confusing too much? But I've come to the conclusion its a skill I can only hone with lots of practice :)<br /><br />Thanks again. I've learned a ton.J. A. Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954221694368448882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-29169462769589926132012-06-20T11:50:19.220-05:002012-06-20T11:50:19.220-05:00Little things do matter. I am prone to miss such....Little things do matter. I am prone to miss such. Hence I started using an editor for my non-fiction books.Jeff Turner www.ilypants.nethttp://www.ilypants.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-34863586327927946372012-06-20T11:48:51.639-05:002012-06-20T11:48:51.639-05:00You're spot on about technical errors-spelling...You're spot on about technical errors-spelling, words that sound the same like your and you're. I once submitted to a contest and spelled genteel incorrectly as gentile. Really confused the judge!Terrinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-75722478080206844582012-06-20T11:44:05.591-05:002012-06-20T11:44:05.591-05:00Thanks so much, Jason! Excellent suggestions. So m...Thanks so much, Jason! Excellent suggestions. So many of those little details I had never considered. Really appreciate your eyes and expertise! You have a permanent follower in me!SusieSheeheyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06533951473519610465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-10658397842600023482012-06-20T11:43:28.575-05:002012-06-20T11:43:28.575-05:00I would like to ask this question. I get comments ...I would like to ask this question. I get comments back from agents saying the plot is good, the pace is good, but the character lacks emotion. What can I do to improve this?<br />LaineLainenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4543098270794087276.post-84202440514440628662012-06-20T11:23:36.160-05:002012-06-20T11:23:36.160-05:00Hello folks. Jason Black here.
First, let me than...Hello folks. Jason Black here.<br /><br />First, let me thank Ruby Johnson for inviting me onto your blog today, and to Susie Sheehey for being brave enough to let her work be critiqued in public.<br /><br />I'll pop in and out throughout the day to answer any questions people have, so fire away!Jason Blackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08181267035103592296noreply@blogger.com